Reason to Keep Going on
by xXShadowRiderXx
Summary: He said he loved him. He said he’d understand one day. But Yusuke’s refuses to understand and plots the death of the man who claims to love him but betrayed him.


Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho

Rating: For now PG-15

Pairing: Yusuke/Yoko, Yukina/Kuwabara, Suuichi/Botan, Hiei?

Warnings: Yaoi, Language, Angst, OOC?

A/N: This is made for the yahoo group Love by Moonlight which is a Youkai Yusuke and Youko Kurama group. This will be kinda angsty and I may just stick in some limey stuff so it will be like an 'R' rating later on.

Beta: None

Don't like, don't read, don't bitch.

**Reason to keep going on**

_**xXShadowRiderXx **_

Chocolate brown eyes surveyed the wild untamed land of the Makai before him one last time. His gaze slightly softened as he gazed fondly upon the land that he had grown so accustomed to in the last four and a half years. It had its problems and quirks but he had grown to love this land like his own. It called to him no matter where he was taunting him with small puffs of the wild land, aromas of some of the sweetest fruits reached his tender nose, sounds of the wind whispering to him as it flowed around him like liquid warmth. But golden eyes that called to him were sending him back to his home land once more.

Koenma had told him of Yoko's disappearance. It had been about a year after Shuichi and Yoko had done the impossible and split forms. Shuichi loved Botan and Yoko loved…well he said he had loved Yusuke.

Yoko had proclaimed his love for the short tempered half demon two days before he went missing. He dragged the demon Yusuke out into the woods behind Shuichi's house. He knew that Yusuke was unsure since he had chosen to take demon form and to Yoko the half demon had good reason to distrust him. That night he was finally doing something he wanted and needed to before he had to leave but not only that he also had to make the chocolate eyed boy hate him. It couldn't be afforded for him to leave any ties in the human world.

Sighing the demon male tilted his face to the skies his eyes slipping closed as he tried to banish the traitorous thoughts from his mind. As much as he tried he couldn't get the night out of his mind. It kept replaying over like a broken record just there to taunt him and remind him of his stupidity at the time. Falling to his knees his eyes opened as he clenched his fists his nails biting into flesh as tiny crimson droplets fell to the ground.

"_What the hell are we out here for Yoko! I've got to go meet Keiko and if I'm late this time she will really be pissed!"_

_Chuckling the silver kitsune didn't respond only pulled harder on the smaller hand in his grip. He heard the irritated half demon growl at him starting to pull his hand away._

"_Do you think Keiko would like you coming to her in this form?"_

_Roughly jerking his hand away from the larger one he bared his teeth at the kitsune._

"_Unless you tell me what the hell we are out here for right now I will turn my ass around and go home!"_

"_Patience is a virtue Yusuke but I guess we have come far enough."_

_The trees rustled slightly their leaves falling from the branches coming to rest near the plant manipulator. The grass seemed to lean in towards the kitsune in a silent sign of comfort as he leaned down to stroke the grass as if it were a precious pet._

_Shifting his feet in place the spirit detective watched cautiously as Yoko took his time. Something seemed off to him as if for once there was a great weight settled on the legendary thief. He didn't like the feeling flowing through him and the thoughts that were settling in his mind the longer it took for the kitsune to stand._

'_It's like…like he's waiting for someone…'_

"_Yusuke."_

_The velvety voice of the demon brought him from his thoughts as he looked up to be met with the piercing golden gaze. He stumbled back a bit needing space only to be caught by strong cream colored arms. A growl rumbled in his chest spilling forth from his lips as he lifted his gaze from the clawed hands on his upper arms to once more the golden eyes._

"_What do you want Yoko?"_

_His question came out as something between a snarl and a growl._

"_I need to tell you something…"_

_The hesitant tone in the normal strong self confident voice had Yusuke now serious._

_A drop of water splashed onto his nose moments later as he looked from the golden eyes to the angry gray blue sky._

_Thunder rumbled in the distance loud and angry and was answered by its lighting counterpart. The heavens broke moments later sending sheets of stinging rain down upon the ground and the two demons that stood silent in the downpour._

_Mist escaped the mouths of the two now panting demons as they gazed at one another; one waiting for an answer and the other gathering the resolve needed._

"_Yusuke…I have to tell you something that is very important. This is in all honesty and seriousness…I…love you and have for quite some time. Your fiery personality and determination, the loyalty you have for your friends and the ability to overcome even the most impossible odds…all those and more have drawn me to you and have held me fast to it…no matter what you think now I cannot and would not take any of it back and I will forever feel this way. You've done the unthinkable Yusuke…"_

_His chin was grabbed between clawed hands and his frozen and chapped lips meet those of the warm but silky lips of the kitsune. His hands instantly flew to Yoko's chest intending to send a clawed hand through his beating heart. His chest rumbled as his mind was sent into turmoil as he felt a velvety tongue slid across the seam of his lips. His hands fisted in the fabric of the kitsune's robes._

_A purr of contentment was working its way up to Yoko's lips as he pulled the warm body close to his and felt the calloused hands grab at his chest. But he had remain focused. Letting one hand slip from the face of his love it trailed down his chest to his stomach. His eyes clench as he sent the clawed limb through his stomach._

_Yusuke gasped into the silver thief's mouth. He jerked away swinging and catching the front of the kitsune's chest drawing blood. He stumbled backwards clutching at his torn stomach. His head jerked to the side as he coughed violently blood spilling from his lips in a crimson river splashing onto the Earth. His vision was hazy as he turned his blood soaked head to the one standing above him. His eyes gazed downwards as he looked upon his torn body. He clenched his hand around the wound and hissed in pain as he tried to cut off blood flow or slow it down. He snarled at the slowly disappearing form of Yoko. Whispered words cut through the blanket of darkness that was clouding his mind and heart._

"_I love you Yusuke…forgive me and maybe one day you'll understand."_

_A weak snarl erupted from his chest as the words left the kitsune's mouth. He fought to get his mouth to work around the invading blackness._

"_Y-You lying b-bastard…"_

_Falling to his hands and knees he watched the green of grass and brown of the mud become contorted and mixed. The pounding of rain was drowned out by the overwhelming darkness. He no longer felt the pain of his wounds or the rain but only the pain of betrayal and hatred seep into his being._

_As his consciousness went he thought he felt a hand on his back rubbing small circles but the thought was soon banished as he heard a deeper male voice then nothingness once more._

Rubbing the bridge of his nose the demon form of the old spirit detective stood from his knees as his eyes adjusted once more to the setting of the plains of Makai. His heart was heavy as he turned from the wild lands that provided him so much freedom.

He wasn't thrilled about going back. He knew everyone would be happy and thrilled to see him. That meant nothing to him though. He would have to see Keiko again and deal with her sad accusing looks. He would see Kuwabara and Yukina and the two children they had. He'd see Genkai again and she'd go back to calling him a dimwit. If he was lucky he'd see Hiei since he only went to Ningenkai to check up on Yukina now and then. Suuichi and Botan would for sure be there since it was a reunion of sorts. But all this meant nothing to him anymore. He had no home there anymore. Nothing to go back to but he went since Koenma had another something else to tell him when he got there.

He had heard Keiko had taken a husband and he was happy for her that she could move on from him. But Botan had also told him that she wasn't truly happy unable to get over him and let herself truly love this man without fear of being rejected and left for another. She has a child that she loved with all her heart and Botan's fear was that the man would see Keiko loved the child more than she did him and eventually leave her for it. All this piled on him before he was headed back didn't help him at all. Now he just wanted to stay here and forget whatever Koenma had to tell him and just go on living in seclusion and fighting.

He was happy for all of them but if he went back everything would come back to him and he was afraid he'd want to stay there. He would be forced into his human form no longer allowed to stay this way. It might even give Keiko the false hope that they may get back together.

Least of all he didn't want to go back and see Yoko there and waiting. He wanted his revenge and had plotted it for many weeks after Yoko had injured him and left him for dead. He had found out later that it was planned and his capture by rouge demons had also been planned by Yoko. He had been tortured and humiliated all because of Yoko. He wanted the kitsune dead and he planned on going to any lengths for the death of the traitor.

Picking up his pace he walked the familiar path as his thoughts wandered from here to there sometimes good and others bad. He didn't know what Koenma had to tell him but he knew it had to be important for him to pull Yusuke from Makai knowing that he wanted to just be left alone and forget everything to do with Ningenkai.

He had to admit though he was slightly curious as Koenma had hinted that it had to do with Yoko and Koenma knew the hatred he held for the silver kitsune. But what puzzled him was to why he was told about it when Koenma didn't approve of Yusuke's hatred for Yoko.

He had to know though. He had to know what happened to Yoko.

A/N: This doesn't have a beta so there will be mistakes that I've missed.


End file.
